i love you.

fake smiles on ma face when i c u .i hv been hurting myself behind u .i cant take seeing u wiv her
but wad can i do but jz to hide my tru feelings?your nick . your display pic . der tymes u tok bout heru couldnt imagine but its has been hurting me all these while i couldnt stand . i couldnt stop . i cry day n nyte selfish me hu wanz u all to myself i wonder y u care bout me so much cuz it juz hurts more it hurts when i c u wiv her it hurts when u talk bout her but queitly aside my tears drop all dese while i pretend ntg happen and tried to get along but i'm sorry . i cant do it . i can hide but i cant lie to myself u could jz stab and kill me nw . it'll make no diff der pain . i cant bear no more i'm weak . hv no energy . dont feel tired . dont feel hungry sleepless nytes . i cant go on further without u its killing me slowly i'm all haypee cheerful lil darLyn of yours in front of u .
but inside i tried n tried to hold baq my tears i hold n hold n hold datz me . der recent me . wad u done to me its all jz a pretence so dat u wouldnt b worry n b haypee i once lurve to go skewl . but now i'm scare i once lurve to on9 too . it cheers me up when i on9 . u were alwiz on9 too . chatting to me but enjoy der tymes talking to u . we were very cloz den . i mixx those tymes . i rely do . althou argueing is wad we alwiz do and get into der way but now still i do wish we still argue . mayb more . cuz nw we seldom even tok nemore well . its not we dont tok nemore . its me . der way i tok to u . hv scared u away i'm dyin to tok to u . but nw choose not to cuz when i do . i burst in tears while u hehe haha erything has change . erything is awkward n much diff . much much diff i nvr want to on9 . all i c is hearts her n her pic nvr wan to look fer u ryte after i on9 nvr want to tok to u too but i cant u ll get worry and me? i'm missing u but cant c u or tok to u its killing me . i could jz die nw u'll get worry when i'm moody . i cant do nethin but jz put fake smiles when i do . smtg in my body feels so burning can neone help me? i cant go on lyk dis . wadz wrong wiv me i lurve u . i mixx u . i wish to c u eryday . did i do smtg bad dat u din notice u were so important to me? seeing u . its reminds me of her . stab me would u? u duno wads happening . i hv ntg else to say smiles on ya face nw . i couldnt ask for more i dun wan u hatin yourself . selfish me til i duno wad i wn mayb jz erything? u're not mine . i shouldnt ask or complain tell me wad to do . i lost my way . der light n arrow is gone whereva i walk i still remaine at der same place i'm hurtin myself stewpid silly naive me i'm a silly gal after all running away from u its all wad i only can do i lurve u . i rely rely do

this isnt my writing. but i still kept it until now. i dont know why la. something wrong with me now. i just thought i should EXPRESS. sian hoo teach wn. but ok. hopefully she wont read this or she'll kill me. crapz. i still love her. i still think about her. every night before i go to bed. i cant sleep. cause all i think about is her. when i wake up. first thing i think about is her. when im bored in work. i think about her. whyyyyyyyy??? somebody pls help me to get her out of my head. and thanks xiang for talking to me. im glad ur always there for me when i need you. and thank you tan sian hoo for your nonsense. bout writing an essay on this. swtttt. i wonder when will i ever forget about you? i cant seem to like avoid you?? i still rmb wat you like. your so called drugs dat actually meant hugs or chocolates. taking sticker pictures used to be your fav. one day in ou without it wouldnt be a normal day for us. i miss going to tuition with u. we were listening on our headphones rather than listening to the teacher. and we also laughed when the teacher showed us stupid videos. u'd buy thos choc bars from the downstairs sundry shop and come up to share. and we'd freeze in the room until we were so cold. i miss your hugs. not those normal hugs. the hugs u used to give me a long time ago. we used to hug outside gsc at ou rmb? dont think u do. but yeah. i really miss those times. so badly. and also everytime i watched dat video by rainie yang-ai mei u appear in my head. we used to be so close. disturbing each other everyday. i miss skool. i wished we were still in skool. den maybe i still have the chance to get close to you again. but unfortunately it wont ever happen again. forever. i still miss it when u used to come over to my class. cut my fingernails for me cause i was lazy. and also we sms during pmr if im not wrong. lol i was so stupid i needed u to help me. and u still did. i miss you so much i dont know how to even describe this feeling i have for u. i dont know what it even means. i dont know how to get rid of it. i just really really really miss u so so badly that i cry everytime i think about you without you knowing about anything. i guess this is wat i get for letting someone i loved so much slip away. how could i even be so stupid. i really miss you. even after that nearly one year incident of not talking to you. we're still talking now. but it hurts even more now. just knowing ur no more inlove with me. everytime i hear ur with someone else. my heart hurts! i guess me and you are not meant to be. maybe just friends. nothing more nothing less. just friends. i should always rmb that ur my friend so that i dont get stupid thoughts thinking bout the pass. thinking about you. i dont know why. but i try not to think about it by keeping myself busy. example drinking with friends== which i do so every night nowadays. i blog bout it until lazy de. the pass 2 months. EVERY SINGLE night i never once did not go out. everyday sure got plan wn. swtttt. ok back to the topic. xiang teach me wn this one. "you once said this to me. now im telling u back d same words. is it too late to say i love u again?" omg. im gonna burst soon. haih. why why why? somebody just stab me with a knife. i'd rather die than to suffer this. at least i know she's happy now. thats good. anyway i think thats all i wanna blog now. its 2 am in the morning. later at 4 going mcd with friends. wtf eh? 2 hours of sleep. and oh yeah. today was the first day of college. wasnt bad. and i finally know how to use autocad. not bad. quite simple. yet complicated. hahahaha. anyways thats it. i just posted this blog to burst everything out. so yeah. thats it. bye people. and thank you yong xiang and sian hoo again. =]